Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program.
AUGUST 25th, 2024
We are so back.
I went back to school this past week. I love my classes, I'm still not good at math but it's easier than it has been before. Writing everything in the past blog thing also really helped me process some of the trauma experienced and helped me move on from pretty much everything. There will always be questioning "what if I had done so and so instead" or "what if I could have just made the better choice" but I don't have any regrets- what happened has happened. I feel so good starting school, and the fact that I don't know anyone makes it so much better. Clean slate type stuff. My writing professor seems pretty cool as well, she's won a ton of awards and stuff from UK, and I can tell that she's an intellegent person. I have her class on just Mondays. My math professor is pretty funny too, and I'm already having a lot of an easier time learning from her than I have from almost any previous math teacher since I moved to Tarpon. I have her monday through thursday. My academic success professor kind of has the vibe of a high school teacher, but not in a bad way. That same sort of strict-ness but not in the same way. I have her on Wednesdays, as well as my intro to computers class, which I missed because traffic was a lot worse than Google Maps said, but that's alright. I bet the class will be fun, and I already know a lot about computers so hopefully it shouldn't be too difficult.
I'm so happy to be back up in Kentucky, and just moved out in general. I could have spent my summer doing a lot more, but turns out that when you don't know anyone but 3 people you don't get asked to go out places much. I have got to do a bunch of project's I've been wanting to do though. Modding my ps3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet on player-hosted servers like Beacon, getting my PC set up on ethernet so I can play Minecraft and not lose connection every 5 minutes from being across the house from the router. Since I'm running the cable across the ceiling I might have to put up some christmas light LEDs or something to make it look a little bit better than just... a cable running along the ceiling.
My trip back down to Florida went alright. I went to see Limp Bizkit in concert for Loserville 2024 in Tampa, which was pretty fun. I went with a couple of friends, and it was pretty enjoyable. That was only my second concert that I've been to see like that. The last time I ever went to one was for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, where I was still pretty young and I fell asleep during it (it was an extremely loud and eventful concert). I was able to hang out with some my friends both in band and outside a little bit, got to see this year's Back Ensemble, minus the new mixer kid, and help them a bit (fix a patch for a day and just hang out mostly). I was seriously enjoying the lack of responsibility I had when I came back. That boulder of stress of having to actually do stuff at band was gone and it made being back so much more fun. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ @kai.dune ->
I'm so glad to be back in school (it forced me to fix my sleep schedule.) Also long weekends. 😴
The Past 4 Years.
JULY 30th, 2024
Back in October 2020, just before COVID became a worldwide pandemic, my father was a part of a family business where they would make websites and generate leads for various companies.
On October 28th, 2020 my father all of a sudden had lost access to all of the servers and couldn't log in to anything. They had accused him of stealing private information (despite being a co-owner) and they had taken away his position in the company without any testimony from him.
As you can assume, my dad was rightfully "upset" and he started fighting this in any way he could, as he'd been unlawfully fired from a company he had a large stake in.
This is the beginning of his downfall, and the loss of everyone in the house's emotional and mental health. What we could only describe as a "mental break."
My mother: My mother was also an employee at the company as the lead of the writing team for making the websites. I had worked there momentarily as well under her supervision. After they got fired, she had started working at this woodworking/antique shop about 15 minutes away from home. It was perfectly in between where I went to school and the house, so it was pretty nice to have her there for when she had to pick me up from band and all of that. Her new boss is a little crazy, but she is honestly just really funny and nice, and means well. She taught my mom how to pour resin into tables, and sand tables and everything. She enjoys working there still and for a time became a published childrens book writer, becoming a part of the state's book publishing committee and winning a few awards. She also started working as a DJ and audio tech over this past year and has made some amazing friends, and I'm extremely proud of her.
Myself: I was a part of my school's marching band, something my dad supported at the beginning. I did almost all the audio tech and mixing for most sound effects and synthesizers, as well as a few mics and other things in backfield. During the spring semester we would switch it over to concert season where I would do percussion. We were regional champions of Orlando for every year for the past 3 years, for a total of 4 medals, and we were national finalists, getting 4th place in grand nationals in indianapolis for the 2022 year. That same year was my first trip to NYC. We marched in the Macy's thanksgiving day parade. That was really fun, and probably the most fun I've had in a while. I got into my first serious relationship there, and she asked me to date while we were watching "The Rockettes" live on broadway, however it didn't last because of my boundaries being stretched and crossed. I eventually helped both the theatre and chorus programs with their tech, and I dedicated almost the entirety of this past school year learning everything stage tech (props, scrim, audio, etc), and it really helped me escape from the stress of everything.
Really the only escape from home was band, and later theatre.
My Half-Brother (Dad's side): My dad spent all of these past 4 years just sitting at his desk just yelling and screaming at the air, and at us. My half brother moved in temporarily, but there was a "physical dispute" between him and my dad and he left after becoming even more depressed than he already was when he moved in (I would later learn that he was on the edge of suicide at that time). He enjoys playing risk of rain 2 and writing blogs online about the games he plays, and sometimes does video commentarys about them. I haven't done well at keeping in touch with him.
When it REALLY went downhill: We were in the process of buying an even larger tank for our (legally owned) alligator snapping turtle, and we had her moved into the pool for a while. One night, my dad couldn't find the turtle in the pool and immediatelly accused his mother, wife, and son (me), of working with his father to orchestrate his death (wtf????), and that we were trying to drive him into committing suicide. We went looking for the turtle in and around the pool, and I had the idea to look in the corner, and said it as he pulled me back inside. He sat me down in his office, and started monologuing, and threatened me with a butane torch. I mouthed to my mother "help me" when he turned around but there was nothing she could do. She went back out to look for the turtle, and my father continued to threaten me. He took the torch to a glass bottle he had with him, trying to get rid of the "sprites", shattering it loudly. I was already sobbing at that point uncontrollably, which he said was my way of deflecting, and that really didn't help. My mom ran back in, saying she'd found the turtle, and my dad shut it down. My mom ran over to hug me and we were both sobbing. I locked my doors that night and couldn't sleep. The day after, he apologized, and that's when I learned that not every sorry is a real apology.
My dad would continue to verbally abuse me and my mother for the rest of my time living there, eventually saying slurs and using exponentially worse words to call me, my mother, and my grandfather and his associates. He accused everyone he knew of being a part of the "conspiracy" as he would put it. He still posts about it to this day.
He would continue to be aggressive towards me until I moved.
All of these experiences, as well as the (seemingly constant and unrelenting) hate I would get from the people in band and (mostly) guard, and things they would make up about me, led me to developing anti-social tendencies, I stopped talking to as many people and became more insecure about myself and the people that I could talk to, and led me to hating myself at the same time. It felt like I didn't really make actual friends up until February of 2024 where I hung out with a few friends from theatre and was introduced to an actual friend group. Up until then, I felt like a floating friend with no real connection to people for that long at a time. Any friends that read this though, we were friends, there isn't much of a doubt about that we were friends, but in my mind there was a disconnect of who I felt like I could build meaningful relationships with in my mind, so it was hard to actively maintain them. These things at home also made it incredibly difficult to focus on anything at any single time, and I had to be as quiet as possible when I was home so my father wouldn't even think about me. This affected me deeply on a psychological level, and I struggle with trusting people with such personal information about me, and almost everything that I've had to deal with (whether struggles at band, school, or at home) has done nothing but hurt me even more deeply. The only good thing that came of it was what valuable information I've learned from it; that no matter what happens throughout the day, it's just going to be another day. There is your past, and there's your future, and the only thing you can do is work with the time you have towards the future you want, no matter how terrible everything is at the moment, and how it will effect you in the future.
A little bit later that year I had reconnected with one of my friends and became a part of their friend group too, which was good for a time. I started dating someone from that friend group, but unfortunately that one friend had gotten her addicted to one thing in the past, and she eventually broke up with me, 3 days before prom, so that she could try new things with that friend and develop new unhealthy addictions. I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with those things from the beginning of the relationship, and that I wouldn't do those things while I was in a relationship. I still deal with the loss of that relationship today, despite how long it's been, and I can't forgive either myself for the things that I did, and her for what she broke up with me for. I don't know if that's selfish or what, but I feel guilty for the end of that relationship, and to be fair I was in no mental state to be starting a new relationship like that anyways. I was too much of a fixer-upper and there was no way that it could have lasted with me like that. And of course- I'm not saying that apologizing for any of it would have undone any of it, or that this little rant would fix anything at all (not like we talk anymore anyways), but I haven't had anything but time to sit and think about everything for the past 2 months since I moved.
As for an actual update:
I'm coming back down to Tarpon to help with band camp because the person that was replacing me quit, so now I have to teach someone new because Mr. Elks will be really busy getting everything ready and built for this next marching season. Also I really miss my friends. Like a lot. I am approved for a work-study program, jobs of which will be posted at the beginning of August.
Kind of Almost Sort of Settled In
JUNE 21st, 2024
Well I’ve finished moving pretty much and it’s going as expected I guess. Instead of going to UK straight away I’m going to bluegrass technical & community college because the grants & scholarships I got are letting me go there for free. Besides, after a year there I can go to UK with in-state residency, which cuts my tuition in half from 33k to 15k. I will also be able to apply for more scholarships because I will have a year of college done where I should (hopefully) get A’s in all of my classes as opposed to my senior year of HS :|
I know less people up than I thought apparently. The only people I've interacted with in real life has been just family, and it's getting a bit lonely tbh. I still talk to people from FL over text and stuff, but it doesnt make much of a difference if I'm not actually interacting and connecting to people irl.
I've also not been able to sleep well. Like I've been going to sleep every night at about 3 in the morning and waking up from 8 to noon. When I get to sleep, its not even restful. It's nightmares almost every night. I don't know if thats the result of just being in a new place, or what, but its annoying.
Also, where I thought I was going to work ended up not working out, so I've been applying to a ton of places but either they don't get back to me, or they need an 18 year old. Since I was the youngest of my graduating class at Tarpon, I wont be turning 18 until I am about a month into college. I have 2 places lined up though that are willing to hire me/put me on their schedule when I do turn 18 though, one of which I am interviewing for today. Turns out, my uncle's girlfriend's workplace is looking so I'm considering it strongly.
Softly as in a Morning Sunrise - Performed by Tarpon Jazz 2016:
I'm currently writing this post at UK's huge library the day before I have this go live (writing everything like it's tomorrow though), and it's really peaceful and its super easy to focus in here. That's probably because I'm not sitting in front of a huge TV with a PS5 controller right next to me though. I've been playing a lot of PS5, my dad used to have PS+ when we had a playstation 3 & 4 so there's a ton of games saved onto there. Also, the PS3 game streaming is really fun, and a couple days ago I started Fallout New Vegas from my PS5. Granted it doesnt really look the best graphically because it's streamed but did it look that great graphically on the PS3 anyways?
This library is huge. Like its 4 floors tall, and it would be more floors but it has really tall ceilings. Also, almost every young(er) adult here is either my height or taller, which is really weird to me since in FL there are a lot of people shorter than me. Idk if that's just genetics up here doing its thing or if theres just more stunted growth in Florida, but it feels odd. I'm 5'11 for reference, and everyone here is either my height or taller. There are a few lights above me that are out. I don't know how anyone would get up there to fix them since the floor below them is probably 30 feet away, and its not really even over a floor, it's just up there near the huge window in the ceiling. Picture to the left if I don't forget.
Every thursday I go with my grandparents and a few other assorted family members (uncles, 2nd cousins) to the Moondance Amphitheatre for this bluegrass festival called the Southland Jamboree. We usually go and get mexican food at this weird like mexican grocery store called Supermarket Aguascalientes, it's really cool. It's not just a mexican grocery store though, a part of it is also a restaurant. Love the quesadillas. Only one of the people that work there almost speak english though, so we had to use my 2nd cousin to improvise. Turns out he can actually almost speak spanish fluently, suprised all of us. We didn't go yesterday but we're going today though and I'm excited. (update it was really good)
The Start of Something New.
MAY 19th, 2024
It's time for an update. Yesterday (at the time of writing) I graduated high school. I'm still going to school the next 2 weeks because of testing and because I want to spend as much time as possible with my friends before I venture off back into a familiar unfamiliarity. I haven't lived in Kentucky since July 2018, and even then it will just be a different experience from when I lived there before. I'm ready to move out though as this has been a very difficult few years of high school because of a long list of different reasons, and I can't wait to try new things, and meet more talented artists along the way.
To the left is one of my good friends Brianna, and I getting a pub sub 10 mins before I had to have been at graduation. She is just one of my many friends that I have made over my time at Tarpon High, and the sparse time I have spent with my friends was thoroughly entertaining and I will miss everybody that took time to appreciate me the way I try to appreciated them. I will try to stay in touch the best I can. Thank you to everyone in band and theatre for being my friends. I'll do my best to come back and help with whatever you need when I can (back ensemble especiallyðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜)
I think a few might agree with me when I say: College marching bands are BORING.
They kind of just make a few pictures and play the same music. There's no theatrical element to it. No storytelling. The charts are cool, and the music sounds good, but its missing the element of storytelling with a theme, which is the largest element of a marching ensemble that makes it unique and entertaining (IMO).
My dream is to bring a sort of DCI or BOA marching show to the college scene. I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this. All of these outstanding players have a much better way of not only marching, but playing musically and creatively with a purpose this way, and I get the vibe that most musicians that used to do marching band in high school (BOA or other events like it) miss that style of marching, and it would be perfect for those who did not get the opportunity to join or participate in a DCI or some form of higher level marching band.
I would like to introduce a new program, one that would participate in it's own competitions or maybe even larger ones like DCI. The College-Corps, or whatever it will be called, where all students of a college who would like to join in and invest their time in something like that could, without having to take any extracurriculars or anything. Just taking time out of their day to continue the good old theatrical marching. There's just so much potential in that area, too much to pass up on, and I truly believe that this could be the future of upper-level marching, and could bring a revival to the art, as DCI, and marching bands past high school in total, has been falling in popularity unfortunately.
I know there are a few colleges with programs like this, but it should be something that's a lot more widespread because there are almost no downsides to doing this. Some may encounter restrictions, but that is just how it goes when doing this sort of show. Having a program like this would continue building that deep rooted disipline that we are taught in high school marching, but it would also encourage the players to stay fit and in shape, as a lot of people after high school lose that motivation.
Welcome to the CALVIN SHAKER website!
FEB ??th 2024
It's way past midnight on spring break so why not make myself a website. Go check out my homecoming game mixer cam from my TSOPE Back Ensemble youtube channel! Homecoming Game Mixer Cam. (Disclaimer, everything activated by us will sound early to account for the time it takes for the sound to cross the field.) :]
I am also on Instagram for those who are trying to contact me or just see what I'm up to (I hardly post ever on there.)
Outside of marching band, I am an aspiring audio technician, I have 3-4 years of experience just from working with the band, as well as about a year of almost everything you could think of for theatre stage stuff. I've spent this past school year (my SENIOR year) learning as much as I could about the lighting booth, the mixer in the auditorium (which is just a bigger version of the one I used regularly), and even running the scrim/curtains for some theatre rehearsals.
My board (The Yamaha TF1 Digital Audio Mixer) that i've been using since 2021, has undergone a lot of changes mostly within just this last year of marching band. For example, the Back Ensemble used to be in a trailer, otherwise known as the "Taco Truck" with sides that would come down and everything. Super convenient and nobody ever squashed their fingers putting down and lifting up the doors. (The first part is true, ask Parker Towning about the second part 🙄)
Anyways, it all used to be hardwired into the trailer. Everything from the speakers, to the computer(s) when we stopped using the macbooks, to even the keyboards that we would keep in there before we realized how leaky it was when it rained. It was a huge change moving out of that and into a prop. One huge downside of it was the loss of ease by not having it all ready to go at just the press of a button. It makes up for it now, though, being actually portable by itself, with a portable battery andwith a drawer for the keyboard and any smaller cords.
The new setup also required a whole lot of rewiring, almost entirely done by the Beyoncé loving god among men Mr. Jason Elks. Him and his diciple, Sandro Mocevic, as well as myself, helped assemble the new mixer cart, and the accompanying loom to connect to the cable box below the conductor's prop. This made it much easier than plugging everything in and dealing with each individual wire, and with everyone's combined efforts, and with help from the prop team/pushers and speaker-pushers this year was considered an overwhelming success from a technological standpoint despite all of the obstacles that had to be overcome.